Fraying at the Edges, Curry-Yellow Toothbrush, UGHHHH and Election Day

10/11/13

 I have been sick, on and off for the last 2 weeks-fever, throwing up, diarrhea, insomnia, headaches.  Today it all came to a head.  After yet another night of little sleep, I woke up in tears and couldn’t stop crying for the next 4 hours.  Once the shortness of breath started I realized that I was having an anxiety attack.  Around hour 4 I was able to talk to someone that could calm me down, but I spent the rest of the day in bed, trying to pull myself out of this funk-this depression.  For that is surely what it is, and not surprising, with all that we have to deal with here.

It’s horrible knowing that my mind is working against me and can’t even give me some peace, while everything else is in turmoil.  I’m going to try and sleep tonight and hope that I wake tomorrow a little more refreshed-with reinforced armor for the daily fight.  I’m trying to work against my natural instincts and take things one day at a time-wish me luck!

13/11/13

 I’ve been listening to “Professor Blastoff” about habits and its strange to think that I do things like brush my teeth, use my planner and make my bed all the way over here, so out of normal context.  Things are a bit better, today, although I’m getting nervous about implementing our Practicum Project.  This is a community project that we’ve been working on for the last month or so.  It has to answer a need in the community, be in Nepali, and involve as many community members as possible.  We are implementing it at the local school with the 10^th grade and 1^st grade classes, for about 2 hours.  We will be teaching them about hand washing (you can’t imagine how disgusting the bathrooms at this school are, and thinking about the kids going #2, wiping with their hands and then never washing them makes me want to vomit) and building a tippy tap (a hands-free hand washing station).  We built a practice tippy tap and then will build another one at the school.  I’ll try to put up pictures a.s.a.p.

Our Tippy Tap implementation went fairly well.  Because kids here are so used to doing physical labor, they dug the holes and erected the structure in an embarrassingly short amount of time.  After we had done a lecture about hand washing and made the device, we had a few of the 10^th graders bring out the younger children and teach them.  It was really sweet seeing them going to great lengths to teach the little kids-not letting them get away with not using soap, etc.  It made me feel a little better about doing this kind of thing at site, although there I won’t have three other people helping me, and someone to translate the speeches we want to make.  I have a feeling that I’ll feel like I’m drowning, a lot of the time.

 15/11/13

 So, because of some political violence, (there were some injuries during mobs and fights as well as some IEDs found around the country-but not near us) due to the upcoming election, we are no longer allowed to leave our site, at all.  This means that by the 24^th, when we finally get to go into town, it will have been three weeks since I’ve been in contact with the outside world, besides a few hours on the phone with family.  I’m going crazy here.  I am literally counting down the hours until we are done with language classes-26 more hours to go! And 12 more days in Pipal Dada. 

Next week is all about preparing for our final language test and planning for our girl’s leadership program.  Hannah and I are thinking about maybe a dance class…  Once next week is over, we will go to our Swearing-In Ceremony, then spend a few days left in Pipal Dada, doing last minute things.

 19/11/13

 So, the election appears to have gone off without much violence, at least in our area.  Yesterday, the armed police were walking around our area, making people take down any political signs within 200 yards of the polling place-the school near our classroom and where we did our Tippy Tap Practicum.  This is very difficult for people, because there is almost no house in the village without at least 4 posters and/or flags.  Often, there are posters/flags for several different parties (!!?), as well as huge signs for cement companies (these appear to have nothing to do with the election-perhaps the company thought that they’d jump on the decorate-your-house-with-any-free-crap-we-give-you bandwagon).  People were out all day scrapping off posters and rolling up flags-there seemed like there was some tension in the air.  However, today, my Didi told me that everything was peaceful at the school.  I guess we’ll hear if anything else happened in the rest of the country, in the next couple of days. 

Only two more days of language class-which also means only two more days before the LPI.  I am feeling fairly relaxed about it-I’m not sure if this confidence is founded in anything, or if I’m just SICK of studying.  I’ve done so many flashcards in the last three days that I don’t think I can fit any more vocabulary words into my poor brain!  I am trying to be Zen about the whole thing-I only care about passing, and since I already achieved a passing mark in my practice test, I don’t feel like stressing to try and get a really high grade in a test that, ultimately, doesn’t matter.  Everyone else is furiously studying and I just don’t give a crap, anymore.  I finally told my teacher that I’d rather study at home, on my own, than do one-on-one time with him.  So, for the last two days, I’ve had two hours of class in the morning, then spent from about 10:30-1 studying on my own.  From 1-4 we have been working on the plans for our GLOW camp for girls.

I’m feeling physically and emotionally better today, although my sleep schedule and bowels are still not normal.  I am trying to force myself to be more social, since it these may be my last days with that as an option, and because once I force myself to do something, I always feel better.  Yesterday Hannah, Priya and I “studied” at Saraswati’s house, but mostly we just gossiped, which was great.  Then today, after our planning session, we all walked down to Tullughaun (the lower village where my first family lived) to a great pasal down there.  We pigged out on a shared liter of Coke, sour cream and onion chips and muffins and sat in the sun-it was a delight. 

Also, we found out that another one of our PSTers is going home-tomorrow.  I don’t know the details, but he has apparently been planning it for a while.  I feel like we’re dropping like flies!  It’s mean, but every person that goes home, I’m a little relieved that it’s not me.  Looking at the statistics, about 30% of PTCs/PCVs go home during service-either for medical reasons (Medical Separation), breaking the rules(Administrative Separation) or for their own reasons (Early Termination).  That 30% is broken down about evenly between 10% during PST, 10% during the first six months at permanent site and 10% around the year mark.  With our original group size, we can expect up to 8 people to go home.  At this rate, we’re moving much faster than I expected. 

Well, I’m off to try to stuff a few more vocabulary words into my brain before bed.

Xoxo,

Zoop

Homesick During Tihar

5/11/13

It’s the last day of the holidays, here, and getting on to holiday time in the states, so I’m feeling a little homesick.   It might be the low-grade fever that I’ve had for the last 2 days, or the fact that all of the ritual of Tihar stresses me out, but I just want to be home, today.  It’s still cold and foggy out, but I’ll have to go downstairs to the water bucket to wash my hair, and run down to the pasal (store) to try and get some things for Dhai/Bhai puja-a ceremony where sisters offer food to their older and younger brothers.  All I really want to do is lay in bed until it gets hot out, then shower and do my laundry. 

The night before last, my Didi dragged me out of bed, had me put on my sari, and took me to a neighbor’s house to dance.  It was fun, since the other women approved of my dancing, but stressful, with all those women touching me and yelling in my face.  I felt bad making my Didi leave early, but I still have to get up for school at 5:30, every morning, even if the rest of the village has a holiday.  We have 18 days left until our final LPI test and (hopefully) 20 more days until we swear in and get to go to our permanent site.  I’m really hoping that the pessimist in me is wrong, and that we do actually get to swear in this month.  If we swear in on that date, I will be able to be home by Halloween, in two years.  You see, once you get to the end of your two years, you can leave a month early, without it counting as Early Termination.  So, if I swear in on Nov. 25^th, I can leave Oct. 25^th and be back in the states by Halloween of 2015!!  It’s these kinds of things that I try to keep in mind when the monotony and strangeness of it all is starting to get to me.  Well, off to get ready for Tihar.

Xoxo,

Zoop

P.S.

Our PC Medical Officer has warned us to refrain from drinking home-made alcohol, as it can be made with methanol, antifreeze, etc. and flavored with things like socks and used sanitary pads (!!!!).

Hospital Corners in Nepal

2/11/13

Well, it’s been quite a week.

The last few days before we left for Kathmandu dragged by-I was counted hours and minutes until my last language class was over. 

Once we were out of class, I went down to Tulloghaun to visit my old family.  I was worried that my Didi would be mad at me for not visiting for 2 weeks, but the whole family greeted me with joy.  We had tea, cookies and fruit, chatted (as much as is possible), drew and wrote a bit, and then my Didi (knowing how much I love baby goats) brought one in for me to cuddle with-what a joy!

The next morning Elizabeth and I walked in early to Chautara, had a leisurely milk tea, checked our emails and then got on the bus!! 

Our first stop was Bhaktapur, which is about an hour outside of Kathmandu.  It is the most historical part of Nepal-full of grand squares, palaces and temples.  It was wonderful to walk around and see beautiful buildings.  There were a lot of tourists around, which was strange, but I didn’t mind.  Some other volunteers got all high and mighty about “touristy places,” but the fact is that we’ve all been tourists once in our life, and these places are touristy for a reason-because they are important and interesting.  For lunch I had the whitest sandwich ever-white break with one slice of cheese, one egg, one slice of tomoato and a whole lot of mayonnaise-I was worried about what this said about the food I could expect in Kathmandu, but was ultimately relieved of that worry.

After Bhaktapur we proceeded into the city.  As you get closer, the air gets thicker and dirtier-I can’t imagine living there, even with all the benefits of living in a big, capital city.  Our hotel was very nice, although the lack of a pool (I didn’t have very high expectations) was disappointing.  Everyone broke up into groups to go out into Tamal (the touristy area of Kathmandu, which we were staying near) for dinner.  Tamal is very weird.  It’s very cool to look at, full of old building and shops that I actually wanted to shop in, but it’s also full of tourists.  It felt really liberating to be able to speak Nepali when none of the other foreigners could.  Also, Tamal houses restaurants that serve other kinds of food besides Nepali!  The first night we went to Italian, the second to a vegetarian Mediterranean place and the third night for pizza-such a delicious treat!  Honestly, just having to choose something from a menu was a bit overwhelming, but in a wonderful way! 

The second day we had a scavenger hunt through the city, in groups of 5, so that we might get acquainted with public transportation and important places in the city.  I was scared to do it, but then felt a great sense of accomplishment when we finished (4^th out of 5 teams…). 

We did not have a lot of free time, which was a little ridiculous.  From 8:30-5 every day we had meetings and trainings, so any shopping/sightseeing/eating was done between 5 and our hotel curfew at 9.  The trip would have been a welcome vacation (despite how busy we actually were), and a lot of fun, had there not been an incident on our first night that threw a shadow over the rest of the trip.

Now, I can’t go into details for privacy and security reasons, but suffice it to say that there was a scary, violent incident involving a PCT.  The incident affected the whole groups’ morale and schedule for the rest of the trip and may have consequences for the rest of our PST.  No one was gravely injured, but PC was very upset with the group, and certain PCTs involved, leading to feelings of guilty, isolation, etc.  In addition, all of the emotional upheaval began to bring up other, non-related issues that the group has been dealing with.

Here’s the thing, we may be PC trainees/volunteers, but we’re all also people and people in groups don’t always get along.  From day one there have been cliques, gossip and the like.  It has been hard on a lot of people, including me.  Even in high school I was not good at dealing with how disingenuous people were when it came to popularity, etc.  Every new school type situation I’ve been in since, I’ve been frustrated by the return of that kind of dynamic, and, unfortunately, PC is no different.  It sucks to feel left out, and some people are definitely feeling that way.  We had a session to talk about all of this, but, I fear, more issues were brought up than were actually solved.  I just hope that we can hold it together for the rest of PST.  After PST, we’ll probably be so happy to see another American that we won’t care whom they are, or what “group” they are in!

So, altogether, Kathmandu was interesting, stimulating and tasted delicious, but emotionally and physically exhausting.  I think everyone was glad to get back to their little villages yesterday afternoon, I know that I was. 

I hope our next trip to Kathmandu is soon (which will mean that PST is over!!!) and that it goes much more smoothly. 

XOXO

Zoop

P.S. In Nepali “Boot” means both “past” and “ghost”-isn’t that cool?!

Once you shit in a bag, everything else is uphill.

First thing’s first:  we had big news last hub day.  We were told that our two-week permanent site visit was being cancelled.  Here’s why:

So, since the assassination of Nepal’s king and the introduction of a relatively democratic system, Nepal hasn’t actually had a constitution.  Since the Maoist rebels and the government came to an agreement and the nearly 10 years of violence stopped, the interim government has been trying to hold elections to elect people to write a new constitution.  Various political parties, who are opposed to one aspect, or another, of the process, for the last 10 years, have delayed this process.  The international community has been putting lots of pressure on Nepal to finally follow through.  So, this November 19^th an election is to be held.  We’ll see if it actually happens, but regardless of what happens, there will probably be violence from unhappy parties.  At this point, thousands of election police are being trained and government vehicles are forbade to drive until after the election.  This means that it’s dangerous on the roads, and that none of our government counterparts could meet us for our planned conference.  Also, the anticipated violence means that, at this point, they are not sure how long we’ll have to stay in PST, as it may be too dangerous to travel within the couple of weeks (or, yikes, months!) after the election.  This means that we have, at least, three more weeks of language classes than any of had mentally prepared ourselves for. 

Some people do not seem bothered by this, but this news hit me like a raging water buffalo.  I had wrapped my mental health around the countdown to that two-week break.  I know that I’ll make it through however long they keep us here, but I can’t say that I’ll do it with a good attitude (overrated) and without many nights/mornings of anxiety diarrhea. 

Speaking of which, I had another day of debilitating diarrhea, brought on by-your best guess.  Everything here seems to be covered in some sort of poop, so it’s really a miracle that we’re all not sick a lot more! 

We had our mock Language test yesterday and I scored Intermediate Mid, which was my goal-and is the final level that we have to test out at, so I’m feeling alright about language, although it’s definitely a daily struggle-made no easier by my language teacher.  We definitely have a personality clash and I hate the way he teaches-very combative and patronizing.  It’s been very difficult in class with him, but I’m trying really hard to get beyond it, to just get what I have to out of the class and never have to deal with him again. 

I think many of us are hoping that with the extension of the number of days they have to teach us, that maybe we’ll go down to four hours of class per day-that would be a joy!

Other than that, things are pretty normal.  I use the squat toilet, take showers (twice a week if I’m feeling inspired) our of a bucket, eat the same food everyday (with my hands), wash my clothes by hand and hang on the roof of the bathroom to dry, and just speak Nepali tons and tons. 

I really can’t wait to get out to my permanent site, although I know that it will be hard in different ways, I’m feeling very much over this whole situation. 

I’m already thinking about what I’d like to do when I’m done (I know-crazy!), but in alternating days (or hours) I think that it would be nice to move back to Missoula, or at least the Mountain/Pacific Northwest and work close to home, or else it would be nice to move to some big city and get a fancy job with a big Development organization-who knows what will happen, but it’s those kind of long-term goals that get one through hard times, so I’m clinging with every fiber of my mental health. 

So, who is going to come visit me?  Tyson is already planning a trip for next summer, but I’d take anyone coming sooner, as well!  Once you get here, it’s really cheap, so for those of you who aren’t making tons of money (nearly everyone, probably!) that should be an incentive!

Lots of love from Nepal,

Maria