25/10/14
It is the last
day of the Nepali holiday season and I’m relieved.
I have been
sick, on and off, for the last two weeks-the way I figure it, over the course
of my PC service, I have been sick 70% of the time.
The big news
here actually does not have to do with me.
One of my dear friends, in country, has been going through a horrible
personal tragedy. Having bad things
happen to us, in any circumstance, is difficult, but having to deal in Nepal,
away from our family, away from those things with which we take comfort-well
that is a something entirely more difficult.
Watching someone
struggle, in this way is horrible. I
have felt powerless and aching with sadness.
The dirty little
secret of PC service is that the thing that we dread the most is that something
will happen at home, and we’ll miss it.
I have almost the same amount of dread for happy occasions as for
sad. The days that are the hardest here
are when I know that my family and friends are together for some occasion. It would be even worse if that occasion had
to do with some loss or other. Seeing a
friend live out a version of my worst nightmare only puts this fear into
harsher perspective.
I sit here,
sick, counting down the things that I will miss, before I return: two more
Halloweens, one (or two) more Thanksgivings, one more Christmas, one more New
Years, one more Birthday, weddings, picnics, road trips, lazy weekends, camping
trips. These are the things that tear at
my heart, that make me question my life here.
I don’t mean to make all of you feel guilty for living your lives, but
just know that there is a girl in Nepal who is jealous of all of your little
moments and dreading the big moments that she will be missing.
The last bittersweet
aspect of this whole ordeal is that my friend is leaving her service early and
returning to America. I am equal parts
jealous and sad. I can’t believe that I
have to complete my service without her-it’s just one more way that PC has
yanked support mechanisms out from under me.
